How to build a server

So, you have a project and you need a server. What to do?

1. Submit a ticket requesting the server
2. Have it bounced back saying your manager needs to fill in a server build request form
3. Manager submits a server build request form
4. Server build manager assigns the build request to a subordinate
5. Server builder creates a server build workflow in the workflow tool
6. A ticket is raised with the network team to assign an IP address
7. A ticket is raised with the DNS team to enter the server into DNS
8. A ticket is raised with the virtual team to assign resources on the VMware infrastructure
9. Take part in a 1000 message 100 participant email thread of doom arguing whether you really need 16G of memory in your server
10. A ticket is raised with the storage team to allocate storage resources
11. Server builder manually configures the Windows DHCP server to hand out the IP address
12. Virtual Machine is built
13. You're notified that the server is "ready"
14. Take part in a 1000 message 100 participant email thread of doom arguing that when you asked for Ubuntu that's what you actually wanted rather then the corporate standard of RHEL5
15. A ticket is raised with the Database team to install the Oracle client
16. Database team raise a ticket with the unix team to do the step of the oracle install that requires root privileges
17. A ticket is raised with the ops team to add the server to monitoring
18. A ticket is raised with your outsourced backup provider to enable backups on the server
19. Take part in a 1000 message 100 participant email thread of doom over whether the system has been placed on the correct VLAN
20. Submit another ticket to get the packages you need installed
21. Move server to another VLAN, redoing steps 6, 7, and 11
22. Submit another ticket to the storage team because they set up the NFS exports on their filers for the old IP address

There's actually a few more steps in many cases, but I think you get the idea.

This is why devops is a thing, streamlining (eradicating) processes like the above.

And this is (one reason) why developers spin up machines in the cloud. It's not that the cloud is better or cheaper (because often it isn't), it's simply to avoid dealing with dinosaurs of legacy corporate IT departments which only exist to prevent their users getting work done.

My approach to this was rather different.

User: Can I have a server?

Me: Sure. What do you want to call it?

[User, stunned at not immediately being told to get lost, thinks for a moment.]

Me: That's fine. Here you go. [Types a command to create a Solaris Zone.]

Me: Engages in a few pleasantries, to delay the user for a minute or two so that the new system will be ready and booted when they get back to their desk.